


Izzyland

by copperbadge



Series: The Izzy Chronicles [7]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Comedy, Disney World & Disneyland, Gen, Kid Fic, Shooter, Stony Trumps Hate 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:05:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: Clint had to leave Izzy with Tony. Tony had to be in California that afternoon. Disney is a great compromise...except for the assassin.





	Izzyland

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rabidsamfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidsamfan/gifts).



> Last year for Stony Trumps Hate, I auctioned off one fanfic, but when the auction was closed and I saw how much people had bid, I really wanted to give the second bidder, Rsfcommonplace, an opportunity to request one as well, in exchange for a donation on what they bid. Rsf offered a number of suggestions, but what really caught my eye was the one where Tony takes Izzy to Disneyland, and this grew out of that. 
> 
> The first assassin in the story is a character from the original Iron Man film, [William Riva.](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/William_Ginter_Riva)

Clint came skidding into the kitchen with a continuous chant of "Crap, crap, crap", made more surreal because Izzy, in his arms, was enthusiastically also chanting "Crap, crap, crap" at the top of her lungs. There were a handful of "allowed" swears in the Barton, and by extension, Avengers, household; these kept her from trying out the worse ones, the ones she picked up from Steve when he was watching the news or Tony when he was repairing something in the workshop. "Crap" was one of the permitted words, along with Darn and Heckit (her favorite), but usually she wasn't allowed to be so loud about it. 

"Hey birds, what the flock's up?" Tony asked, once he recovered from the shock of Clint and Izzy's precipitous appearance. 

"Tony," Clint said, and thrust a bag decorated with dancing Hawkeyes at him. Tony took it automatically and only then realized his mistake. "Thank God. Where is everyone?"

"By everyone, Agent Barton means Sergeant Barnes," JARVIS added helpfully.

"Yeah I actually know where everyone else is, they're all out of tower, some out of country, but I was banking on the shut-in being shut in," Clint said. 

"Mean," Izzy scolded.

"I was counting on our least social member remaining in his home," Clint corrected, setting Izzy on the counter and beginning to speed-brush her hair, which crackled with static and stood out from her head like a dandelion. Tony, who hated to see anyone's 'do get less than the attention it deserved, took the brush out of Clint's hand.

"I was unaware of Sergeant Barnes' travel plans," JARVIS added petulantly.

"Sorry, babies," Tony said, including both JARVIS and Izzy in his apology as he carefully worked a tangle out of Izzy's hair. "I sent him on a secret mission."

"Nobody can look after me," Izzy informed him. "So Poppa's going to sell me to the circus."

"That was a joke, honey," Clint told her.

"I know," she said composedly, and Tony almost choked on his laughter. 

"Phil called from somewhere in Europe and SHIELD needs a sniper yesterday and literally none of her regular babysitters are available, including Sergeant Bob and Bucky Barnes The Murder Machine," Clint said. He gave Tony a hopeful look. 

"How long?" Tony asked. 

"Three days max. And if you can hand her off to someone earlier I give you permission." 

"I think the chickadee and I can tolerate each other for three days," Tony said, and Clint said "Thanks!" and bolted into the elevator, and only then did Tony realize -- 

"Sir, I feel I should remind you that you are scheduled for an inspection at the west coast plant in approximately six hours," JARVIS said. 

"Heckit," Tony said feelingly. 

***

"Tony, I am your CEO. I babysit your entire company. I cannot come back from a conference where I am the keynote speaker to look after her even if she is the cutest baby in the world," Pepper said, ten minutes later. Izzy was happily building something out of spare parts with Dummy in a corner of the workshop.

"Okay, okay, no, I understand that, but," Tony said. "I have to go to this inspection."

"I know that, we had this talk -- "

"Fsst! Not over an open line!" Tony cautioned her. 

"Okay! But I'm telling you I cannot look after her."

"What am I supposed to do, take her with me?"

"Why not? At least on the west coast you'll have -- "

"FSST!" Tony hissed again.

"Do you have a cold, Tony?" Izzy called. 

"No, and little ears should be listening to their podcasts, not to grownup conversations," Tony told her. Izzy sighed and put her headphones back on. "Pep, that's not...a great idea."

"She's perfectly well-behaved, the inspection won't take long. She's capable of hanging out in a hotel suite for a few hours. Tell her you'll take her to Disneyland after."

Tony opened his mouth to object, then shut it thoughtfully. Izzy had been to Disneyworld with Clint and the Super Soldier Twins and loved it, but Tony had been disdainful; Disneyland was clearly the better park. It was smaller, more intimate, and recently revamped with Stark smart animatronic technology. (Disney wasn't willing to shell out for World until they'd given the Stark tech a year or two at Land first.) Tony had gone to Disneyland as a child and knew it to be superior in every way. And, if given the chance, he was sure Izzy would feel the same. 

JARVIS popped up a text box below Pepper's expectant face. _VIP tickets to Disneyland have been arranged. Shall I speak to our contact at the Park about suitable security briefings?_

"Yes," Tony said. "Okay. We can do this. Buttercup!" he yelled, and Dummy pulled the headphones off Izzy's ears.

"Whaaaat?" she asked. 

"You wanna come to California with me?" he asked.

"What's in California?"

"Two-thirds of all the fruit and vegetable production in the United States." 

"Okay!" she agreed. 

"I'm going now, Tony," Pepper said, and logged off. 

"You have one hour before your flight leaves," JARVIS informed him. 

"Okay, little one, let's pack you up for an awesome vacation where nobody will die, for sure," Tony said, and Izzy let him scoop her up and tuck her over his shoulder. 

***

Bucky, being the less immediately recognizable of the two former WWII soldiers Tony knew, was the one to meet them at the airport in California. He was even wearing chauffeur's livery, which pretty much made Tony's day. 

He didn't flinch when he saw Tony emerge from the plane with Izzy on his arm, the Dancing Hawkeyes Bag over his shoulder, and a StarkSeat in one hand (the ultimate in automotive child safety; marketing had worried it would harm the brand, but as Tony pointed out, a lot of soccer dads owned StarkPhones, and anyway they'd have to make at least one because he wasn't strapping Izzy into anything less). Still, as soon as they were in the car, he said, "You brought a tiny child to your assassination?"

"I do nothing without overcomplicating it," Tony declared. Izzy, who had sacked out somewhere over Colorado and not even woken for landing, snored on in the StarkSeat, which was fully adjusted to let her sleep but not so adjustable it could prevent baby snores. 

"You are here specifically to get shot at," Bucky said. 

"And you are here to make sure I don't actually die. Steve was sitting on his ass in my hotel room anyway, he can sit on his ass in the special secret hotel room JARVIS booked for Izzy."

"I'm gonna stuff them both into the hotel safe," Bucky said. 

"Relax. You are such an unfriendly human but I trust you to keep me from dying," Tony said. "I'll do the inspection, you'll catch whatever mentally unbalanced jerk has been making death threats towards me, and afterward we will go to Disneyland." 

Izzy woke up. "Disneyland!" she yelled sleepily. 

Bucky scowled. "Am I also doing security for Disneyland?"

"I mean, we can ask Steve if you think he'd enjoy it more. If you don't WANT to shadow us all over Disneyland using secret tunnels and hidden doors...." Tony shrugged.

"I do like a secret tunnel," Bucky admitted. 

"Can we go in the secret tunnels too, Tony?" Izzy asked. 

"Spoken like a true baby spy," Tony said approvingly. "Yes, we can, but first you have to spend a very boring few hours with Steve in a hotel room. You think you're up to such torture, Yukon Gold?" 

"Will we have markers?" Izzy asked. 

"Slippery slope," Bucky murmured.

"We'll make sure you have some markers," Tony agreed. 

"Steve is gonna murder you before the unhinged maniac can," Bucky told him. 

*** 

Tony had thought through his plan for Izzy on the flight, up to and including making Bucky be the one to take her to Steve, because Steve was constitutionally incapable of even being mad at Bucky, let alone being disappointed, which was much worse. 

The entire operation had been meticulously planned before baby Barton threw a wrench in the works. Tony was supposed to go on a "pop-up" inspection of the West Coast SI fabrication plant. He knew the assassin was based on the west coast, and while he couldn't publicize the inspection, he had salted his communications with enough clues that the baddie would definitely know this was his best chance. 

Steve was meant to be his visible bodyguard, so that the creep who had been sending Tony death threats for the last month and a half would be paying attention to Steve. He was some kind of hacker, their new nemesis; he'd managed to get into the Stark Tower feed for a few minutes and sent Tony the video file even after JARVIS kicked him out. Since then, Tony had conducted all his business on encrypted lines or in person, and it was getting super old. 

The idea was that what seemed like a dick move for an executive to pull was really intended to lure their guy into taking a shot at him. Steve was the decoy bodyguard; Bucky would be behind the scenes, watching their back, and hopefully drop the stalker before he even got a shot off. Tony had limited anyone's knowledge of this to Pepper, Steve, and Bucky. 

"It'll work even better now that the guy thinks Steve is distracted and I'm guardless," Tony said, as he settled into the suite, setting up a tablet to monitor Steve and Izzy in a separate set of rooms down the hall. Money couldn't buy happiness but it could buy nearly anything else, including a sincere peace of mind.

"What if he decides Izzy's a better target?" Bucky asked, as Tony dressed for the inspection -- ultralight kevlar under his shirt, bulletproof sunglasses that might help in the case of a head shot, and bracelets that would summon the full armor if necessary. 

"Then he's going to run into the storm of muscle and badly-repressed rage known as Steve Rogers," Tony pointed out. 

"You know, I didn't like you," Bucky said, "but you do understand Steve better than most anyone other than me." 

"An immunity to my charms comes with being a super soldier, I don't take it personally," Tony replied, leaning toward the mirror and carefully tousling his hair. "How'd he take it?" 

"I hope you'll buy him something nice at Disneyland."

***

The inspection went well, in that it achieved its ultimate goal, which was to catch the man who was trying to assassinate him. 

Halfway through the inspection, at a point when Tony deliberately slipped away from the executives sweating nervously all around him, there was a flash of metal and a thunk, and Bucky dropped from the second-floor gantries with a...well, a surprisingly nerdy looking man in his arms. The drop was literal, but Bucky, like Steve, had super-soldier bones. He groaned but held onto his prey as Tony ran forward, summoning the armor, and by the time the assassin knew what was happening, Iron Man was standing over him, one boot gently pressed to his chest, the repulsor disabled but rumbling threateningly. 

"Riva," Tony said, cocking his head at the man. "Well, you always were good with gadgets. Not as good as me, I think we both know that, but this does explain a few things." 

The man spat at him. 

"Yeah, I'm not thrilled to see you either," Tony admitted. "I thought you were still enjoying the view of Chuckawalla Valley from your cell. Cheer up though, they might send you to San Quentin this time." 

"You know this guy?" Bucky asked. 

"Bill Riva. He was one of the old guard at SI, back when Obie was running things," Tony said. "Hey, that's how you got past JARVIS, huh? Stole Obie's back-door codes? Clever." 

"You ruined me," Riva growled. " _Good with gadgets?_ I was a leader in my field until -- " 

"Until you put your money on Obie instead of backing the winning horse. Sucks to be you," Tony said, then turned away before Riva could sputter a reply. "Hey Bucky, you've just foiled a murder plot. What are you going to do now?" 

Bucky looked at him blankly. "What?"

Tony ran a gauntleted hand over his faceplate. "I am old," he murmured to himself. "It's okay. The line is, I'm going to Disneyland! Which I am," he added. 

"Oh," Bucky said, looking confused. "Can I just have a steak and a nap?"

"Sure. Come on, pal," Tony said, stepping out of the armor and, with a wave, ordering it to gather Riva up in its arms. He squealed in protest. "Shoulda thought of that before you took a swing at Stark again," Tony said sternly. From behind, the tour guides who'd let him wander off came running up and Tony flapped a hand at them. 

"Listen, the plant looks great," he said. "Smiles and bonuses all around, tell the union everyone's doing a fantastic job. Will one of you call the front gate and tell them to expect the police? The faster we give our statements, the faster I can get to Disneyland."

"Police?" one of them asked blankly. Tony clapped his hands on the man's shoulders.

"The next time you try to tell anyone else that Stark should be more agile as a company, remember this moment," he said kindly. 

***

Tony managed to escape by mid-afternoon, especially since Bucky volunteered to stay behind and make sure the arrest and booking went cleanly; it wouldn't take long, given Riva had very clearly broken his parole. 

Tony jetted back to the hotel in the Iron Man suit, which is why he didn't see a car pull away from the outer perimeter fence of Stark Industries and turn towards the hotel as well. 

It didn't take him long to consult with Steve, determine that Izzy had slept enough on the plane that she could probably handle a late night at Disney, assume a disguise, pester Steve into one as well, and bundle Izzy back into the StarkSeat. By three o'clock, they were on the road to Disney.

So was the plain sedan that had left Stark Industries when he did, and the man inside, who was determined to prove to the world that Tony Stark wasn't the only engineer in the world who liked redundancies. 

***

Izzy was bouncing in her car seat, singing a song of her own devising consisting primarily of the word "Disneyland." 

"Where do you want to go first, Kerrygold?" Tony asked. "You want to see pirates, or the uh, bear things, or what?"

"You said secret tunnels!" 

"Absolutely," Tony promised. "But the tunnels have to take us somewhere in specific, we're not allowed to just wander around in them. What do you say, Steve, Frontierland? Make you feel right at home?"

"We had pretty much reached California by the time I was born," Steve said drily. "You're just mad because Bucky made you feel old."

"How do you even know that?"

"We text," Steve said. "Hey, Izzy, what do you say we take a tunnel to the Thunder Mountain roller coaster, then we can walk around Frontierland? Or do you want to see princesses first?" 

Izzy mulled this over. Tony flashed the VIP ticket at the secure parking gate guard, who nodded and waved him on. 

"Roller coaster, then princesses," Izzy said, as they headed for the valet station at the side entrance to the park. 

"The Stark family motto," Tony announced. 

***

Behind Stark's car, a sober, unremarkable sedan pulled up to the security booth.

"Pass, sir?" the security guard asked. The man at the wheel blinked at him. "Do you have a park pass, sir?" 

He almost tried to claim he was with Stark, but then they might call Stark and check. He thought about shooting the guard, but then saw the security cameras on the booth. 

"Sir?" 

"I'm so sorry, I think I'm lost," the man said finally. "Where do I go to get into the park?"

He could kill them as easily on a ride as he could in the parking lot, and anyway security would be much more likely to notice him loitering in the parking lot. It might be messier, but getting Rogers would be a bonus, and the kid wasn't going to be a problem. Besides, killing them on a ride would be dramatic, great for his rep, and would create so much chaos he could just run away with the crowd, he figured. 

Now all he had to do was find the front entrance and slip inside... 

Thirty minutes later, he looked up at one of the screens dotted around the ticket kiosks and said, actually said aloud, "Tickets are _how much?_ "

"I know, right?" a passing mother said. "They want your wallet and your thumbprint and your soul." 

"My thumbprint?" 

"Sure, so you can't sell your ticket to someone else. Hell, wait until you see how much a hot dog inside costs. How old are your kids?" 

"Too old for this," he muttered, stalking back to the car, and the supplies his partner in crime had stashed in the trunk. He'd seen the bag check and the metal detectors casually set off to one side, at the entrance. This would require at the very least some stealth infiltration, and at worst, the humiliation of buying a single adult ticket to Disneyland at full gate price. 

***

"I actually haven't been to Disney since we put the new Stark tech in," Tony remarked, as they were led through a suitably mood-lit underground tunnel. 

"I'm surprised you didn't just buy the park out," Steve said, trying not to stare as a gaggle of character actors dressed as Captain America passed them. They all waved to Izzy, and then one of them did a double-take at Steve, elbowing his companions. Steve nodded politely, and got a handful of respectful raises of the Captain America shield in return. 

"Can you imagine anything lonelier than being the only people in Disneyland?" Tony asked, and he had a point. Their guide hustled them into an elevator. 

"Will you need pickup after the ride, Mr. Stark?" he asked. 

"No, we're going to mingle," Tony said. 

"Well, if you'd like to get back for a break or to get somewhere fast, just show one of the attendants your badge," the man said, and then with what seemed like genuine, unforced cheer, "Have a magical day!" 

"You too!" Izzy chirped. Steve grinned as Tony patted her head. 

"Ready for the mine train?" Tony asked, adjusting his ridiculous I'M A DISNEY DAD hat and the hoodie tied around his waist. Steve put his aviators on and tried not to feel like an idiot. As the doors closed, he saw the Captain Americas stop to chat with a crowd of Princess Jasmines, and wondered how he had stumbled into this life. 

***

Getting into Disneyland had not been the most challenging infiltration of his life, it was true, but it probably ranked in the top five, even with the help of the gadgets Riva had cooked up for him. What did they _do_ in here, anyway? It was just supposed to be a park full of kids being bought overpriced tchotchkes by their harassed parents. Instead there were whole mazes of high walls concealed by shrubbery, tons of cameras, and even at one point an infrared tripwire. There were museums that could envy Disneyland's security. 

He supposed a lot of people wanted to get into the Happiest Place on Earth, but surely this was overkill. 

But he was in now, and he'd brought the silencer and the small-caliber in with him. True, they were concealed under a coat that wasn't totally appropriate for the heat -- the shadeless, blasting heat of a California afternoon at the Magic Kingdom -- but there were people in full-body fur suits, surely he could stand a little discomfort. 

He emerged from the shrubbery and into a narrow lane filled with empty strollers, which it took a while to extract himself from. When he did, he found himself standing in front of a large gothic mansion. 

"Excuse me," said a man with a baby on his chest and two kids holding onto his hands. "The end of the line is _that way_."

He clenched his fists, then forcibly relaxed. He had to keep calm; hell, he had to find Stark in all of this. 

"Thanks, buddy," he said, and walked away from the Haunted Mansion, heading for....another weird stroller parking lot. Goddammit, how did anyone get anywhere in this frosted puzzlebox? 

***

Izzy screamed her way through the roller coaster, then again a second time after Tony flashed the VIP badge at the attendant. Her passion for vertigo indicated that in about ten years he was probably going to have to take a shot at building her a suit and then have a big fight with Clint about it. 

"That was fun," Izzy shrieked, as she led them out through the gift shop, into the crush and heat of the park. Tony turned his face upwards, comfortable with the brutal California sunlight, and then immediately reached into the hip pack under the hoodie tied around his waist and came up with a tube of spray-on sunblock. Steve though hip pack plus hoodie was overdoing the Suburban Dad bit, but it was true nobody gave them a second look. 

"Eyes closed and hold your breath," he told Izzy, who scrunched up her face and accepted a spritz. While she rubbed it into her cheeks and shoulders, Tony turned to Steve, who cocked an eyebrow.

"Skin cancer is for life, not just for Disneyland," Tony told him. 

"I literally don't sunburn. Your dad did tests," Steve said. 

"Fine, you can hit me," Tony said, taking off his disguise-glasses and striking a pose. Steve sighed and sprayed him briefly, then grabbed the back of Izzy's shirt right before she bolted. 

"Ah ah," he said. "Holding hands, Izzy, remember?"

"So-rry," she sing-songed. 

"What do you do if you get lost?" Tony asked.

"I tell a grownup and stay where I am."

"And what do you do if you're tired?" Steve asked. 

"I say I want a rest, and then we'll rest and get a Turkey Leg," Izzy said. 

Tony paused. "We will what?" 

Izzy looked at Steve, who shrugged. "When we took her to the one in Florida, Clint's default rest stop was the nearest smoked turkey leg stand."

"How...how many turkey legs can you eat?" Tony asked Izzy, looking worried. 

"It was more for us," Steve explained. 

"How many turkey legs can YOU eat?"

"Five? Six? Bucky helped," Steve said.

"Of course. Of course he did. Well, if you get tired, we'll get a Dole Whip, how's that?" Tony said. "It's good you can't get scurvy," he told Steve, just as Izzy spotted the paddle-wheel steamer and started dragging them towards it. 

***

In addition to his gun, he'd brought a small but useful laptop, because you just never knew. Riva had rigged it up, but Riva had also taught him how to use it, and he felt he was pretty good at it. 

He'd tried to get into the....whatever it was, the fancy lunch place with the Beauty and the Beast theme, because according to Google it had a nice dark room where he wouldn't be noticed. Apparently, for lunch, you needed reservations. So he'd ended up in an ice cream parlor near the entrance to the park, a frozen treat melting next to him as he tried to subtly hide the laptop behind his backpack and not draw attention. 

"Rough, huh?" the guy at the next table over said. He was tapping madly on his phone. "The wife and kids made me come. Never mind that I have email that...needs...answering." He hit send and gave him a knowing smile. "Do some business for those of us who can't!"

"....sure," the man said, cracking his way into the private wifi the park operations used. By the time he'd broken into the camera network, his ice cream was just cream, and the weirdo at the next table had left. 

He set his facial recognition to the kid, who was the least likely to be in disguise, and watched as the laptop cycled through camera views, looking for them in every image, including the still photos from the roller coaster rides. 

There. They'd been on Peter Pan not five minutes ago, and -- he changed cameras -- were now meeting a princess -- 

"Excuse me, sir?" 

He looked up into the face of a Disney security guard. It was like looking at a brick wall with a face on top of it. 

"Sir, you're going to have to come with me," the guard said. 

"Is there a problem? Am I on the wrong wifi?" he asked innocently. If he had to he could kill everyone in this parlor fairly quickly, but he didn't really want to. 

The man gave him a patient look. "Sir, I think you and I both know what you're doing. We detected your activity on our cameras a few minutes ago. And you're not the first. But you gotta do your peeping outside the park."

"I'm not -- "

"Sir, I'm just here to escort you off premises," the guard said. 

He went quietly. 

When he went back to break in again, the wall he'd scaled was blocked by two more guards. 

"This place has better security than the Kremlin," he muttered, and went to buy a ticket. He had to put on a false nose and lose the gun and jacket before they'd let him within twenty feet of a kiosk. Fortunately, nylon garrotes and glass vials of certain chemicals didn't set off the metal detector. He wouldn't be able to get Rogers with it, but he'd deal with that when he had to. 

The false nose did not go well with the southern California heat, he discovered. 

***

It was nearly dark by the time they did break for dinner, which as promised was turkey legs. Steve, without consulting Tony, bought Izzy her entire own leg while Tony was acquiring a smoothie from a nearby fruit stand. When he returned, Steve was tackling his while Izzy gnawed a piece of smoked fowl almost as big as she was. 

"Will she finish it?" Tony asked. Steve shrugged. 

"I will if she doesn't. She _is_ Clint's daughter," he pointed out, which Tony had to concede. 

"You having fun, little Latte?" he asked, slurping the smoothie. "Not feeling too tired?"

"No, I'm good," Izzy said. 

"Is that a Dole Whip?" Steve asked.

"It's a smoothie," Tony lied. 

"Here, have some protein," Steve said, passing over the remains of his already-decimated turkey leg. Tony looked at the leg dangling from his fingers, raising an eyebrow, but finally accepted it. 

"There are fireworks in about an hour," he said. "They're saving us a balcony table at the only restaurant in Disney where you can get a cocktail." 

"Sounds fun. What do you want to do after dinner, before the fireworks?" Steve asked Izzy. "We could go on the pirates ride, or go to Tomorrowland and ride the people mover." 

Izzy gave him big, soulful eyes.

"No," Steve said. "I'm not going on the Captain America ride."

Izzy turned to Tony. 

"You...you know he's the real Captain America, right?" Tony asked her. "Just as, when you see Iron Man in the Captain America ride, I am the real Iron Man?" 

"But it's a RIDE," Izzy said. 

"I don't go on the Captain America ride," Steve said darkly. 

"I don't mind it. But we are...us..." Tony felt his point was not being made the most clearly, but he wasn't sure how to articulate it. Obviously he knew the ride; he'd installed the Iron Man animatronics himself, just to make sure they looked the best they possibly could. It just felt weird for the peanut to go on a ride with _a subject_ of said ride. 

He supposed this was what he got for selling his soul to Disney. 

"But can we?" Izzy asked him. 

"I'll wait for you guys about twenty feet from the gift shop," Steve said. 

"You don't want to go in and buy a Captain America mask?" Tony asked, grinning. "Okay, let's go," he added, rescuing his Dole Whip and tossing the turkey leg over his shoulder, into the foliage for any non-animatronic squirrels who might be interested. Izzy held Steve's hand in one of hers and carried the other turkey leg along, gnawing on it occasionally. 

***

He had been so close.

He'd used a non-Disney hot spot to get into the camera network this time, so they couldn't trace him, and he'd found Stark eating dinner; he'd had to jump a fence and wade through the lagoon at one point, but he'd gotten into the perfect position to garrote him as soon as Rogers' back was turned (he had planted a small chemical explosive device he could set off as a distraction). 

He could pull Stark through the shrubbery behind the bench they were sitting on and -- 

Before he could detonate the device, something wet and gleaming came flying at him through the foliage. He just barely had time to notice that it was the remains of a smoked turkey leg when, with uncanny accuracy, it hit him between the eyes.

***

Tony and Izzy took the Captain America ride twice, though that was mostly at Tony's request, since he wanted a second look at one of the animatronics that wasn't moving as smoothly as it should. When they emerged, looking for Steve, he met them wearing one of the press-on Tony Stark goatees they sold in the gift shop. 

"I found a good disguise," he said. 

"You are fired from the Avengers," Tony told him. 

***

When he woke, Disney security hadn't found him, but Disney janitorial had found the chemical device and disposed of it. 

Meanwhile, he had been lying in wet grass for long enough for dark to fall, and had lost them again. 

The garrote was a dumb idea. He'd be smarter from here on out. 

***

The terrace at Club 33, the membership-only ("But of course we can make an exception for you and Miss Barton and the Captain, Mr. Stark!") restaurant above the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, was crowded with VIPs awaiting the fireworks. Most of them had cranky children nearby and cocktails in their hands. Tony himself had a rum and Coke, somewhat easy on the rum, and was filming Izzy chatting with a Princess Leia character actor for Clint -- a peace offering for kidnapping Izzy to Disneyland that would probably appease Bucky as well. 

"Are we coming back tomorrow, do you think?" Steve asked. 

"Up to Iz," Tony said, switching off the camera. "I thought she might like to go to La Brea. Or we could take the jet up to San Francisco."

"What's in San Francisco?" 

"Oh, museums and stuff. Sea lions on the wharf. I survived an assassination, the world is my oyster." 

"Is that so," Steve asked, amused. 

"Sure. You could even stay here, if you wanted. Take Bucky to the beach, catch some waves. Take him to Venice Beach, you can both have an Old Guy From The Thirties heart attacks."

Just then, the crowd started to fall silent and the fireworks began. Izzy slid off her chair, waving goodbye to Princess Leia, and clambered up into Tony's lap, leaning back against him so she could comfortably watch the light show. Tony, assured of his safety and Izzy's happiness, sighed and relaxed. 

***

This was what he should have done to begin with. 

Breaking into the park near the front entrance was actually the easiest, since they couldn't have too much visible security. He'd been careful and deliberate, and now here he was, easily resting in a little sniper's nest just to the side of the main entrance, with eyes on the VIP exit and most of Main Street. 

When they left the park, which they had to do eventually, he could drop them, all three, in the middle of a 1950's small town nightmare, and be gone before anyone even picked out where the shot came from. 

He settled in comfortably to watch and wait, high above the merrymakers and tantrum-throwing children below. 

***

Izzy, who admittedly was still operating on east coast time, fell asleep during the climax of the fireworks. Tony, pleading his heart-condition with a straight face, slid her into Steve's arms and let him carry her down to the street level. 

Tony led the way, with a sense of direction born of many visits with Mr. Jarvis as a child, towards Main Street and the VIP exit. They stopped to pick up a treat Izzy had been eyeing earlier, which looked to Steve like a lumpy orange poop, but apparently was meant to be Tigger's tail, whatever a Tigger was. 

"Tiggers are wonderful things," Tony told him, which was probably a joke of some kind. Steve just shifted Izzy's weight a little and waited patiently while Tony paid. The attendant handed over two in a bag, and Tony fished one out, biting into it. 

"You are going to be up until midnight, all that sugar," Steve said. 

"I sure as hell hope so. I probably have ten thousand emails that need answering," Tony said. 

***

In his nest, he waited. Even in the dark, the street was well-lit and Steve Rogers was easy to spot. There he was, a shining head of blond hair with the girl in his arms, which would make targeting easier. They'd be in range soon, and Rogers was distracted with the kid, while Stark was eating....something orange. 

He raised the gun, propped it on a fake rock, and took aim. 

***

"Hey, something's going on," Steve said, nudging Tony with the elbow not currently holding Izzy. Tony looked up at him, then followed his gaze. There was some kind of scuffle going on in the bushes above the exit to the park. He could see plants moving, and flashes of metal -- a pale face -- 

A gunshot rang out, and a window shattered across the plaza, on the second floor of a shop. People screamed and scattered, but most of the stores were full of late-evening shoppers, and in the crowd there weren't many places to go. 

Security emerged from everywhere and nowhere at once, and Tony was already activating the wrist repulsors, about to charge forward, when Steve's body slammed into his, pushing him sideways. They stumbled and fetched up against a wall, where Steve cornered him, Izzy cradled protectively between them. Tony got onboard with what he felt was admirable speed, taking her from his arms just as she woke up, protesting. 

"Go," he said to Steve, and Steve took off running as Tony pressed himself and Iz into a niche between two decorative pillars. "Button," he whispered to Izzy, the code word, and she immediately went still. 

He turned his head to try and see what was going on while still covering her with his body, but for a second all he could see was people running one way, security running the other. 

Then the crowd cleared, and -- 

"Bucky?" he asked, confused. Bucky Barnes was standing in Disneyland, a gun with a silencer on it in one hand, a man in camo and a bandana-mask held by the throat in the other. Steve was standing in front of him, arms spread, body slightly hunched, preventing security from moving forward. 

"Bucky!" Izzy cried. 

"Shh, shh," Tony said.

"Hey Zaichick," Bucky called. "Stay with Tony, okay?"

It took Tony about two more seconds to realize what was probably happening, and when he did, he took what he felt was very appropriate action at the time. He lit up his repulsors without actually activating them and stepped forward. 

"Villain!" he said, at his most theatrical. "You didn't think you could come here, to the Happiest Place on Earth, and ruin Captain America's day out?" 

Security was watching him, confused, but they could also see the VIP badge on his belt loop, and they'd been briefed that he and Steve were here. 

"Not with Captain America protecting the park! Isn't that right, Cap?" he yelled. 

Steve blinked at him. Tony gave him a "don't blow it" look.

"Uh...of course not," Steve said stiffly. Bucky's mouth was hanging open, but he looked around him and caught on as well. 

"You've been captured by Captain America and his pal Bucky!" he yelled. Tony desperately hoped someone was filming it. People were starting to crowd around now, looking sheepish that they'd taken any of it seriously. Bucky's metal arm, doing what really it was meant to do, had choked the shooter unconscious. 

"Let's have a round of applause for Captain America and his pal Bucky!" Tony said, and people began to clap. "Hey, three cheers for Disney security, keeping us all safe, huh? Thanks guys!" he said, and leaned into the nearest guard. "Play along and let's get this guy off the street," he said, and the guard nodded. 

The shooter was cuffed with great drama, and walked away (still unconscious, with Bucky subtly holding him up) into the nearest entrance to the Disney Tunnels. The second he and Bucky were gone, Tony darted back to Izzy, who had stayed put, bless her. 

"That was GREAT!" she told Tony excitedly. 

"Yeah," Tony agreed, rubbing his face. "That was, uh, great. Maybe let's not tell your dad this part." 

He glanced back at Steve, intending to signal that they should make a fast break for it, but Steve was, to everyone's chagrin, surrounded by people asking for his autograph. 

"Okay, Lightbulb, let's go rescue Steve," Tony sighed. 

***

"How did we miss that there were two of them?" Tony asked the next morning, once Bucky had returned to the hotel, looking scruffy but not worse for wear. 

"Riva did most of the work, we just didn't know he had a pal," he said with a shrug. "Soon as I got out of Riva that he had a partner who conveniently 'lost' the coin flip to go after you at the inspection, I came to let you know." 

"You couldn't call?" Steve asked. Izzy, watching cartoons on the hotel TV, giggled at something a badly CGI-animated Mickey did. 

"Riva's a hacker," Bucky said. "I couldn't risk his partner getting wind of it."

"It's a good point," Tony said. "How'd you know where to find him?"

"Didn't. I was coming to get you, not find him." 

"Then how...?" 

"Well, once I got in the park I took a look around. Honestly, what he did, it's what I would have done," Bucky said simply. 

"Well, that's terrifying," Tony said. "Also, thank you. Now we just have to figure out what to tell Clint."

Bucky gave him a nod, collected up his orange juice, and went to sit with Izzy, a clear message that this was no longer his circus or his monkeys. 

"What if we pretend it really was just a show Izzy saw?" Steve suggested. 

"Cap, you are not that good a liar," Tony said. Steve acknowledged it with a sigh. "Maybe she won't bring it up."

"The girl the tabloids keep saying is actually yours because she never stops talking?" Steve asked. 

"Okay, we'll come clean before she tells him. That'll earn us points, right?" 

"There is a bigger worry," Steve said, checking his phone.

"Yeah? What's that?" 

"Phil's back from his mission, and he wants to know where Izzy is."

From the couch, Izzy giggled again and even Bucky let out a small guffaw, which was genuinely surreal in a man who had choked out an assassin on Main Street USA the night before. 

Tony looked at Steve. 

"Heckit," they said in unison. 

***

"And then we went to Library and saw dinosaurs," Izzy was saying, when Tony wandered into the kitchen of the tower two days later. 

"La Brea," he heard Bucky say, and an answering grunt from Clint. 

Phil was cooking breakfast, and he glared at Tony when he walked in. In addition to Bucky refusing to leave Izzy's side for the duration of their California trip, once Phil found out what had happened, he'd been waiting for them on the tarmac when they landed back in New York.

"We couldn't get back any sooner," Tony said, wrestling the coffeemaker into submission and pouring himself about a quart of sweet caffeine. "There were a lot of awkward conversations with law enforcement while Bucky took Littlefoot to the pits." 

"We are also going to have one of those," Phil said to him. Tony held up his arms in surrender. 

"It sounds like you guys had a great time," Clint said, and to Tony's surprise, dropped him a wink. Steve had briefed him, but Tony hadn't yet heard how that had gone. He hadn't woken up at the business end of a recurve bow, so Steve must have done a good job. 

"So which do you like better?" Clint asked. "Disneyland or Disneyworld?" 

Izzy gave this due consideration. "Disneyworld is bigger," she said. "But Disneyland has secret tunnels and Tony makes it fun." 

"I bet he does," Clint said. "Hey, why don't you and Phil go eat pancakes in the living room?"

Phil gave Tony a look, but didn't object when Izzy (and Bucky) led the way into the living room. 

"Seems like she had a good time, near-death notwithstanding," Clint said, when they were gone. 

"Yeah, about that -- "

"Relax," Clint said. "You couldn't have known. And we know it's a dangerous life."

"You're being very calm about this." 

"I dumped her off on you with no warning and you took her to Disneyland. She's had worse babysitters." Clint shrugged. "Look, I'm terrified for her constantly, but if Iron Man, Captain America, and the Winter Soldier can't keep her safe, nothing can. That said, Bucky is now my favorite forever," he added. 

"Yeah, I think the world's littlest spy was also very impressed with his skills," Tony said. "Are you sure we're cool?"

"Phil's angry enough for both of us, but I'll deal with him. Look, the point is she didn't die. So good job," Clint said. "Though if you feed her any more sugar-coated marshmallows you're paying her dentist bills." 

"Poppa, come have pancakes with us!" Izzy's voice drifted out. 

"Coming, kiddo," Clint called, heading for the living room. 

Tony, left alone, went to the cabinet where the hidden snack box lived. He reached in, taking out the remains of a Tigger Tail. It had a crazy-straw with Mickey Mouse ears bent into it holding it together. 

Carefully, he slipped it off the straw and dropped it, orange sugar and all, into his coffee. Then, making sure nobody could see, he slipped the Mickey Mouse straw into the coffee and drank.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tigger Tails](https://www.ladybehindthecurtain.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Copycat-Disneyland-Tigger-Tails-7.jpg) are wonderful things. They don't actually have Mickey straws in them, but [lots of marshmallow treats do](https://eatingwdw.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/goofys-candy-co-white-chocolate-covered-marshmallows.jpg), and, well, I couldn't resist. (Thanks to Scifigrl47 for the suggestion of what terrible food Tony would buy for Izzy at the park.)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The [Insert Scary Noun Here]: or How to Find Yourself Trying to Kill Tony Stark at Disneyland...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258892) by [rabidsamfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidsamfan/pseuds/rabidsamfan)




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